Paper Assigned: Lisa
- I believe that this paper is from the others, this was actually my first time reading about this issue in the Bronx and I believe is something that needs to taken care of. However, i noticed something about your paper and is that you don't have a thesis.
- As I kept reading i saw "Environmental Racism" obviously your paper has to with racism, but i think it will be better if you state this at the beginning of your paper so people will know what your talking about. and then you could state your thesis like why the government doesn't help this people.. and so on.
- I think you need some "Hard Data" on your paper because it seems that most of the time your stating your opinion about the issue you need some resources.
- Rather than that you paper is excellent written, very entertaining to read, your topic is very interesting so it makes want to read even more, I'm looking forward on reading this paper.
Paper Chosen: Rhodine
- I like the introduction of your paper because you state what your going to talk about and that it has to do with environmental racism, you also stated your thesis kind of, maybe you should give a reason of why these people are not being helped.
- Your writing is very creative, you know to keep the reader awake...
- Your paper is fine for a first draft, but it needs more work..
1 comment:
Thanks for the advice i did forget to write my thesis statement but it will be in the final draft. My paper is on environmental racism but it focuses on Harlem and the fact the the deisel emmisions from the buses there are cuasing large cases #'s of asthma.It will look at the cause effect and solutions of the issue with a fictional story of a resident from Harlem who has asthma. Good luck with your paper.
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